I found this “abridged” version of the Dark Knight Rises on Cracked.com and thought it was worth sharing.
My favorite part:
CHRISTIAN BALE learns how to be BAT-BALE again, with the aid of a BAT-LEGBRACE for his leg and a BAT-LEGBRACE for his shoulder.
CHRISTIAN BALE: This legbrace gives me a super-powerful kick that I will never use at all, I’m not sure why we’re even showing any of this!
I remember that when I was watching the movie on July 21 I was grimacing every time Christian Bale did anything remotely strenuous on camera, because early in the movie they show an X-ray of his joints and reveal that he has basically no cartilage left. Thus, every time he ran, jumped, or got beaten up, I was like “oooh, ow!”. It’s similar to when I watch Kobe Bryant play these days; due to physical exertion over the years, he is also running out of cartilage in his joints, and so every time I see him dunk I always think “oh my god, could that be the last time I see this?!?”
I remember in 2004 that me and my friend found a hilarious fan-script written in this style on the 3rd Harry Potter movie (The Prisoner of Azkaban). It’ll take some sleuthing to find that one again…